In recent years, gentle parenting has gained popularity, emphasizing compassion, understanding, and respect for children’s feelings. At watermellow, we value many aspects of this approach and use them in our classes. However, as with any parenting style, there’s a delicate balance to be struck, especially when it comes to helping children build confidence—particularly in the water.

Pushing with Real Love: Building Resilience

One of the most critical components of parenting is teaching children resilience. In swimming, this can mean encouraging your child to face the discomfort and fear that sometimes comes with being in the water. This isn’t about “tough love” but rather real love—the kind that gently pushes children beyond their comfort zone because we know they are capable of growth.

In the water, the line between pushing too hard and not pushing enough can be blurry. As parents, we want our children to feel safe, but we also need to help them understand that challenges are a part of life. By encouraging our little swimmers to stay in the water, even when they’re scared or upset, we teach them how to navigate discomfort and come out stronger on the other side. This is real love—showing them that we believe in their ability to persevere.

The Fine Line: Patience vs. Complacence

There’s a distinct difference between being patient with your child and becoming complacent. Patience is vital—rushing a child to do something before they’re ready can create anxiety and fear. But complacence can sneak in when we hold back from pushing them altogether, mistaking hesitation for respect. Gentle parenting sometimes emphasizes waiting for a child to signal readiness. While this can be beneficial in certain areas, it’s important to recognize when it’s holding them back.

Swimming is one area where complacence can inadvertently undermine confidence. If we constantly remove our child from the water when they cry or seem upset, we might unintentionally reinforce that the water is something to fear. However, by staying in the water with them, calmly supporting them until their fears subside, we help them build a positive association with swimming.

“This Too Shall Pass”: Staying in the Water Through Tears

It’s natural for a child to feel overwhelmed or frightened in the water, especially when they’re still learning. They might cry, cough, or panic momentarily, but this reaction is temporary. The phrase “This too shall pass” holds true in many parenting moments, including swimming.

We often encourage parents not to leave the water when their child becomes upset. There’s a physiological reason for this: it is scientifically proven that water naturally lowers the heart rate because it encourages us to focus on our breathing (see fact source). By remaining in the water with your child—calm and nurturing—you help them associate the water with a sense of peace and safety. Over time, they’ll learn that even if they cough, get water in their face, or feel scared, they’re in control of their own body and can find their calm again.

This approach also prepares children for real-life situations. If a child falls into the pool unexpectedly, their first reaction might be fear, and they may cough or splutter. However, if we’ve taught them that these feelings are temporary and manageable, they’ll be less likely to panic and more capable of regaining control, which could be lifesaving.

The Importance of Staying Calm

As parents, we play a crucial role in how our children react to challenges. In the water, our demeanor can either calm or escalate a situation. When a child is upset, it’s essential to remain calm and show them, through our actions, that there’s nothing to fear. Children are incredibly perceptive, and they often mirror our emotions. If we’re calm, patient, and nurturing, they’ll be more likely to calm down, too.

Letting go of control doesn’t mean abandoning gentle parenting principles. It means recognizing when our child needs a nudge in the right direction, even when it’s uncomfortable for them (and us!). By lovingly encouraging our children to face their fears and remain present in challenging moments, we help them develop the resilience and confidence they need—not just in the water, but in life.

Finding the Balance

At watermellow Swim School, we believe in a balanced approach. Yes, we practice many aspects of gentle parenting, respecting children’s feelings, offering patience, and creating a nurturing environment (as we’ve talked about in previous blog posts) —but we also know that children need to be pushed, gently but firmly, to build resilience and confidence in the water.

So the next time your little one sheds a few tears during a swim lesson, remember: it’s not about tough love. It’s about real love, staying calm, and helping them find their way through the challenge—because that’s where true growth happens.